Living Bizarre In Dallas
by OrangePlasticGummyBear
Summary: Godric's sanity is questionable. His behavior is unpredictable. His t-shirts are sarcastic. No one said being a 2000 year old vampire in a 16 year old body was easy. Life in this Dallas vampire nest is definitely bizarre! Godric/Isabel/Stan humor/friendship pre-series. Each is a one-shot though there are some running jokes. (COMPLETE due to lack of further inspiration at this time)
1. So Not Your Color

**A/N: While continuing work on my story "The Blood That Binds", I had an inspiring thought to write something humorous with Godric. I don't find much fan fic that show him in a lighter sense and thought he deserved a fun series of brief one-shots.**

**If you enjoy this, please leave a review! This is the first in a series that will be posted as multiple chapters along this theme. If you have any ideas, feel free to send them my way!**

**I don't own any of these characters. I'm just playing!**

***Prologue***

As Godric's lieutenant, Isabel had become the closest thing to a best friend and confidant the incredibly private two thousand year old vampire had during his past century as Area 9's sheriff. This being so, it should come as no surprise to anyone that it was Isabel that first noticed the moodiness, odd behavior, and outright eccentricities the ancient vampire displayed at times in the privacy of their shared nest.

The tumultuous moods she could deal with, but there was one particular quirk Godric developed that nearly drove her mad...

***So Not Your Color***  
>It would have seemed like any other week of any other month of any other year in Area 9 had it not been the week Stan went to visit a friend in nearby Ft. Worth, telling Isabel he needed a 'vacation' from the black cloud hanging over the nest thanks to their sheriff's mood.<p>

Isabel went on, business as usual, without a second thought about it. She had become quite used to the changes in Godric and tried to accept them as they were.

After a courier delivered papers from the King, Isabel headed straight to Godric's study, knocking curtly on the door.

"Enter."

She stepped through the door, immediately explaining her presence before the ancient vampire's appearance even hit her. "The King sent documents for your review and signature. They just arrived, Sheriff."

Seated in his favorite chair, reading, Godric set the book down and reached out for the large envelope in her hands, but she made no move toward him. Instead, she stood planted in place, staring at him.

Godric raised an eyebrow in question. "Is something wrong?"

Quickly composing herself again, Isabel pulled herself away from the horrendous mustard yellow t-shirt he wore bearing "I'm just one big ray of sunshine, aren't I?" across the chest, and met his decidedly neutral expression.

"No. Nothing is wrong."

He glanced down at the offending shirt.

"It's my shirt, isn't it?"

Isabel considered fleeing the room to avoid answering, but knowing how fast Godric was, dismissed the idea instantly. He was too persistent to leave a question unanswered.

"Yes. It is your shirt. It's so… not your color," she declared cautiously.

Godric held the bottom of the shirt out carefully as if seriously debating this possibility.

"Hm. I believe you are quite right, Isabel. This shade of yellow doesn't complement my eyes at all."

**A/N: Please review and feel free to let me know if you think this is outright insane (in a good or bad way) and whether I should keep going. This is just my interpretation of Godric's search for some humanity in himself before he gave up and decided to meet the sun. I imagine he, like anyone having a bit of an identity crisis, would have behaved rather bizarrely at times.**


	2. El Vampiro Loco

**A/N: This is just for fun, a humorous take on Godric's mental breakdown that eventually led to True Blood's S2 events. I figure even a vampire going through a moral identity crisis would possibly have some pretty bizarre behaviors that went along with it over time… Why not indulge in the insanity?**

**I own nothing. I'm just playing!**

***El Vampiro Loco***

The incident was a repeat of much the same thing that had happened many times over the years, one that Godric normally shrugged off with great aplomb.

Isabel, Godric, and Stan stood in their local Best Buy discussing the purchase of a new flatscreen television for their nest. It was certainly not Godric's idea as he had always preferred reading over the novelty of televised programming, but his nestmates insisted it should be a group decision since it would affect the aesthetics of the residence they all shared.

Particularly, _Isabel_ insisted.

Stan didn't care who went. He just wanted to watch Texas A&M football in high definition.

As always, before investing in the purchase of anything, Godric had researched into the various models and specifics of all types of flatscreen televisions and arrived at the store equipped with vast knowledge and a great many questions for the sales person assisting them.

When the sales person mistakenly asked if Godric would be keeping the television in his room or if it would be shared with his parents in a living or family room, all three vampires became completely still until the eldest finally said, quite calmly, "I am not a child. I am a vampire."

The purchase was made, and they left the store, the incident seemingly forgotten.

A few nights later, Godric walked into the newly designated 'TV room', stood watching the screen long enough for Isabel to notice the "No. I was NOT born yesterday." t-shirt he was wearing then turned around and disappeared again.

She wrote it off as part of his recent mood swings and irritability, and said nothing.

After nine straight nights of Godric appearing in the _same_ t-shirt, Isabel could take it no longer and confronted him, finding him in his study, once again reading.

He looked up as if quite curious to her reason for being there.

"Can I help you, Isabel?"

She felt a bit like a mother coming in to chastise him like this, but she had already decided it must be done.

"Godric, how long do you plan to wear that same shirt? That is disgusting!"

His expression seemed passively amused.

"It is not disgusting. I wash it every day."

With that, he picked his book up and continued reading like she was no longer in the room.

Isabel stormed out, muttering to herself quietly in Spanish about Godric apparently going crazy.

Three days later, Godric wandered into the TV room to find Isabel watching "Dancing With the Stars", no longer wearing that same t-shirt.

This shirt stated in bold lettering: Don't Annoy The Crazy Person.

**A/N: Please review! I have several more ideas for Godric's phase of sarcastic t-shirt insanity that is about to make Isabel lose it too! If you have any ideas, please share!**

**BTW, if you didn't already know, "el vampire loco" is Spanish for "the crazy vampire". **


	3. Birkenstocks and Sparkles

**A/N: I own nothing. I'm just playing. (And possibly having WAY too much fun.)**

***Birkenstocks and Sparkles***

Nan Flanagan and the American Vampire League had organized the very first "Tolerance Rally" since the Great Revelation. Someone, and most figured it was Nan, had the bright idea to hold this groundbreaking rally in Dallas since the Fellowship of the Sun just built a huge church there.

Godric, Isabel, and Stan thought this was the most absurd idea ever, surely to be a disaster, but the King of Texas insisted it would be positive publicity and for the good of the vampires residing in his state. They were therefore, ordered to attend, look peaceful, and above all else, maintain his good standing with the AVL.

The night of the big rally, Godric's nest was buzzing with tension as the three prepared to suitably dress for the occasion.

Stan decided to stick to the Texas cowboy get up he'd adopted over the years but lightened up the color palette from his usual black; brown boots, blue jeans, pale blue Western style shirt, and an off-white hat. Though Isabel and Godric secretly agreed it looked comical, their nestmate thought he fit in with the general public and was sure that would put the humans at ease during the Tolerance Rally.

Ideally, one might trust him enough to give him the opportunity at a little midnight snack, but he didn't share that plan with anyone else.

Preferring to look classy no matter what she was wearing, Isabel opted for a simple pink Chanel A-line dress and matching pumps. In her opinion, pink was the ultimate color of passivity, making it the perfect choice.

That was also why she _never_ wore pink otherwise.

It was nearing time to leave, and Isabel stood in the living room waiting for Godric impatiently while Stan lay back on the couch in no hurry to go.

He finally arrived in the room, having entered at his superior speed so it seemed almost as if he magically appeared there.

The suddenness of his appearance was nothing compared to the shock of his actual physical appearance.

Godric had chosen to look the part of 'peaceful vampire' by wearing Birkenstock sandals, white linen pants, and a tie-dyed t-shirt with the planet Earth on it covered by a giant yellow peace sign and the words "ONE WORLD. ONE PEOPLE." beneath it. He finished off his look with round wire-rimmed rose tinted glasses.

Outright laughing, Stan commented flippantly, "That is righteous, dude."

"As I recall, in the sixties, this attire was quite appropriate for those wishing for peace in the world. Make love, not war and such," Godric replied quaintly.

Isabel shook her head. "It makes the right statement, but it's too over the top. Humans will not take you seriously."

His bottom lip sticking out slightly pouty-like, the ancient vampire disappeared from the room.

In seconds, he was back. This time he wore all black; sneakers, jeans, and t-shirt with white lettering declaring: "I bite."

Isabel rubbed at her temple, wondering if she could possibly get a headache.

"That is exactly the opposite statement, Godric, and you know it," she hissed.

He grinned cheekily and ran off again.

Stan looked over to the flustered female vampire.

"Where you reckon he's gettin' all these crazy damn shirts anyways?"

Before she could even answer, she was faced with another outfit, and yet another t-shirt.

This one was red with sparkling silver lettering, making a very clear statement.

"TEAM EDWARD: _Because vegetarians do it better._"

Isabel cursed under her breath in Spanish and silently wondered if Nan Flanagan would accept "avoiding a fashion disaster" as a valid excuse for being late.

**A/N: Please take a moment to review! I hope you LOL'd at Godric's antics!**


	4. Fruit Salad

**A/N: One more in the series of Godric's crazy t-shirt one-shots! Hope you get a laugh out of this one! Please read and review!**

**I own nothing. I'm just playing.**

***Fruit Salad***

As vampires, it had always been important to keep up with the changes in the world in order to blend in and keep their true identities hidden, but now in the modern day of the Great Revelation, the concept of blending into society took on a whole new meaning. Vampires no longer had to hide their existence, but were expected to behave as part of the culture they had chosen to publicly live in.

Older vampires had seen revolutionary changes in the world that younger vamps could never imagine, but in recent years, inventions in the realm of technology were mind-boggling. Some of the eldest of their kind had a difficult time adjusting to strange devices. Some accepted it as part of things and simply 'rolled with it' as they had so many other things. Some were quite willing to accept the devices, yet found them ultimately frustrating at times.

Godric fell into the latter category.

The curiosity of the human teenager that never completely died in him relished the opportunity to experiment with the newfangled gadgets, while the ancient relic that was his twenty century old vampire self abhorred the thought of relying on such an unknown factor.

But, such as life was as Sheriff of Area 9, he had been using computers and cell phones for some time now, though they did not always play nice with him.

Godric peered into the box with the bitten apple on his desk and scowled. Quickly, he closed it again and flicked it with one finger, sending it flying onto the floor near the door.

"Isabel," he called louder than necessary.

His lieutenant arrived at the door in seconds, entering his office hesitantly. It was unusual for the elder vampire to raise his voice.

"Yes, my Sheriff. Can I be of service to you?" she asked with all the respect he was due.

"What is _that_ thing you left on my desk?" he questioned, gesturing to the box on the floor as if she had given him a cockroach.

Isabel was slightly confused but did not let it show.

"It is your replacement cell phone."

Godric scowled again.

"My phone was a BlackBerry. That thing is not a BlackBerry. That thing has an apple on it. I did not ask for a fruit salad."

Stepping further into the room and picking the box up off the floor, Isabel opened it and pulled the new phone out.

"You will like this one. The sales person said it is the top of the line model, an Apple iPhone. At least take a closer look at it," she encouraged, handing it out to him.

He took it hesitantly, looking at it from all sides and handed it back to her.

"It is a glass and metal rectangular box. There are no keys to type on. I do not like it. I want my BlackBerry."

She huffed indignantly. "_Your_ BlackBerry, Godric? You tried to turn _your_ BlackBerry into blackberry juice after that email from Nan Flanagan." She shook her head at the shameless smile the flit across his face. "The iPhone is a touch screen. You will get used to it."

Isabel dropped the phone back on his desk gently, but he quickly picked it up and dropped it in his trashcan forcefully.

"I never did like apples. I do not want one for a phone either."

"Droids are popular and highly rated," she offered as an alternate suggestion.

"Why would I want a Droid? Do I look like Luke Skywalker? Get me a new BlackBerry."

Giving up, Isabel agreed and left his office, returning the following night to personally deliver his new BlackBerry Smartphone.

She tried very hard to ignore his t-shirt emblazoned with the statement: Life was much easier when Apple and BlackBerry were just fruits.

Unable to help herself, she commented, "You do realize there will come a day when you will no longer be able to keep using a BlackBerry and will have to change to some other sort of Smartphone, don't you, Godric?"

Godric glared at her unhappily. "I happen to love my BlackBerry."

She gave him a sympathetic smile. "Everything changes, even your beloved BlackBerry. Such is life."

Four nights later, Godric came into the TV room to join Isabel for the one program she had been able to convince him to ever sit and watch with her, "Project Runway". It had become their shared guilty pleasure and moderate addiction.

Isabel barely suppressed a giggle at Godric's latest t-shirt. It had large lettering across the chest that boldly declared:

THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I ORDERED.

**A/N: Please review! I love your comments!**

**BTW, this story was somewhat inspired by the song "Technologic" by Daft Punk. **

**And in case you're wondering, I am an AVID BlackBerry user with NO desire to change to an iPhone or Droid either. ;)**

**I have a goal of 20 posts in this series before I consider it "complete", though if I continue to have ideas beyond that, I will keep posting past 20 as long as readers are having fun reading them still.**


	5. Glamorous Witty Cowboys

**A/N: One more in the series of Godric's crazy t-shirt one-shots! Hope you get a laugh out of this one! Please read and review!**

**I own nothing. I'm just playing.**

***Glamorous Witty Cowboys***

Despite the busy schedule of the Area 9 Sheriff, there were times to just hang out doing nothing of great importance some days.

On one such Sunday night, Stan sprawled out on the couch in the TV room watching the Texas A&M football game recorded on the TiVo while Godric and Isabel enjoyed a discussion in the study.

They often found topics to discuss, and the topic for this particular debate was the finer points of glamouring humans since the Great Revelation. Despite trying to keep that little vampire trick a secret, rumors were everywhere that they were capable of it, making many humans distrustful and hesitant to make eye contact with them.

"It does not matter if they know you are a vampire, Godric, you have the ability to look so sweet and charming, they unwittingly trust you. That is the advantage of having such childlike appearances."

Godric scoffed at his lieutenant. "Perhaps if I were a young female. You underestimate the value of the persuasive power that is the female gender. The advantage is by far yours, Isabel."

What began as an intellectual discussion grew into a heated debate and furthered into an outright argument.

Each insisted the other had the greater advantage in glamouring as the world had changed, Godric because of his beguiling youthful looks, Isabel simply due to gender.

Both vehemently denied having any such upper hand.

After busying themselves with various Area 9 affairs to avoid speaking most of the week, Thursday night Isabel had to face Godric when a certified package arrived by courier.

Approaching his door, she was sure she heard music emanating from Godric's office that she'd never heard before. Steeling herself to face God-knows-what on the other side, she knocked.

"Enter."

Isabel took two steps inside the door and stopped dead, staring at the ancient vampire sheriff, cheekily grinning like a teenager, leaning casually back in his large desk chair, arms crossed behind his head, wearing a black t-shirt with a fanciful hot pink glittery script declaring him to be "Glamorous" across his chest. Adding to the effect was his musical choice of Fergie's popular song "Glamorous" playing through the speakers attached to his laptop.

"You don't like my shirt do you, Isabel?"

She clenched her jaw and said nothing.

"You are jealous I would dare to make such a claim when you know you are better at glamouring."

Isabel's lips twitched in annoyance at putting up with Godric's damn t-shirt fetish.

"I will take your silence as admittance that I am right."

Before she could speak to argue, Godric was standing in front her, his fingers grasping the neck of the t-shirt as he gracefully slipped it over his head and draped it over her shoulder, leaving himself standing shirtless in a pair of fitted dark wash jeans slung low over his hips.

He took the package out of her hands and turned slowly returning to his desk chair in no hurry. She tried to avert her eyes from his perfectly sculpted upper body, turning on her heel in frustration to leave.

"You think you're so witty, Godric," she called over her shoulder, not knowing what else to say, anxious to get out of there.

She heard his laughter follow her into the hall as she closed the door behind her.

The next week, Isabel and Stan were already on the couch in the TV room.

"Simon is so harsh," she complained.

Stan laughed. "You only say that because you like the way Paula judges, but she's too sweet. She'd let anyone get by. It's "American Idol", not "American Anybody Who Can Halfway Carry a Tune", softie."

As she playfully punched Stan in the arm, Godric walked into the room to join them.

"Personally, I prefer Randy. I believe he is a reasonable balance between both Paula and Simon," the eldest vampire commented, coming around the couch to take his seat.

He stopped before reaching the couch, and they all looked at each other.

Godric wore a simple gray t-shirt with blue lettering stating:

"I supplement my personality with witty shirts."

But this time, Isabel and Stan were prepared for him.

Isabel had worn the "Glamorous" shirt Godric gave her, and Stan had on a brown t-shirt with roped letters declaring:

"Save a horse. Ride a cowboy."

**A/N: Please review! I love your comments!**

**I have a goal of 20 posts in this series before I consider it "complete", though if I continue to have ideas beyond that, I will keep posting past 20 as long as readers are having fun reading them still.**


	6. Grade A Networking

**A/N: One more in the series of Godric's crazy t-shirt one-shots! I think these are growing just a bit beyond only t-shirts and into the realm of funny situations between Godric, Isabel, and Stan with Godric's t-shirts as a part of them. It's fun to write them doing crazy stuff and interacting as nestmates. I hope you all enjoy reading them.**

**Hope you get a laugh out of this one! Please read and review!**

**I own nothing. I'm just playing.**

***Grade A Networking***

A loud crashing sent Isabel running at vamp speed to Godric's office, throwing the door open to find the sheriff standing behind his desk looking decidedly perturbed by something, staring straight ahead at the wall. She looked to the wall and noticed at least part of Godric's laptop embedded in the drywall, the rest of it scattered around the floor and furniture, having exploded upon the high velocity impact.

"Is something wrong?" she asked calmly.

He turned to her as if he hadn't realized she entered the room and growled.

"Did the computer do something to offend you?"

"No," he ground out curtly.

"Did you get another email from Nan?"

"No."

She was running out of possibilities for what could have unhinged the generally calm and peaceful ancient vampire. "Godric, you're going to need to give me a little bit of information if you'd like me to help you out."

He glared at her. "The King," he spat angrily. "He issued an email ordering all sheriffs to create Facebook pages to further integrate us into human society."

Isabel was still confused. She knew about social networking and did not see why it would be such a problem. The expression on her nestmate's face was difficult to decipher. "And you have no interest in participating in such a social network as Facebook?"

His face changed from anger to somewhat saddened. "I did not know what it was. When I looked it up, it seems participants have hundreds of 'friends' on this Facebook thing. I do not have that many friends and will look foolish to the king and the other sheriffs."

The female vampire stifled a laugh and moved further into the room. "Let us go pick you up another laptop, and I will explain more of what I know about social networking then I will help you create your profile. Total strangers will want to be your friend, Godric."

About two hours later, after a very quick run to their local Best Buy, Isabel and Godric sat side-by-side on the couch with his new laptop, creating his Facebook profile, thankful that changes had been made to allow for vampires since the Great Revelation.

_Godric_

_Life Status: Vampire_

_Age: 2100 years_

_Gender: Male_

_Relationship Status: Single_

_Language: English, Swedish, Danish, German, French, Spanish, Russian, Italian, Latin_

_Hometown: Gaul_

_Current City: Dallas, TX_

_Occupation: Law enforcement_

_Interests: Reading, long walks, history, tattoos_

_Music: Coldplay, Ed Sheeran, Joshua Radin, Matt Nathanson, Fergie_

_Books: How the Irish Saved Civilization, Lord of the Flies, Of Mice and Men, Harry Potter, Marly & Me_

_Movies: Dead Poets Society, Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan, Finding Nemo_

_Television: Stargate SG-1, CSI, American Idol, Project Runway_

Isabel and Godric both agreed that hot-button topics like religion and politics should be left alone, but she insisted that he try to blend in a bit to modern culture with some of his choices on interests, music, books, movies, and television.

Finally, his profile was complete except for a photo. Isabel pulled out her iPhone. "Now, trust me on this. You want to make lots of friends, right?" Her sheriff nodded suspiciously at her. "Good. Take off your shirt."

His eyes bugged out of his head before he regained his senses and simply bared his fangs at her.

She ignored the threat and waved her hand in a lifting motion toward his shirt. "Come on. You have a beautiful young body, and those tattoos will attract a lot of attention."

Grudgingly, the two millennia old vampire shucked his shirt and allowed the female to pose him on the couch like a seductive piece of Grade A man meat, displaying his ancient tattoos and his perfectly toned upper body, only quietly growling when she tugged at his black jeans to lower them on his hips a bit more suggestively.

"Are you trying to help me make friends or pimp me out, Isabel?" Godric snarled.

"Just hold still. Tilt your head a little that way. Now show your fangs just a little more… No, not scary. Sexy. Good." She clicked a several shots with her phone's camera then let him redress.

Within three days, Godric already had 1,374 friend requests on his Facebook page. He was pleased to see that compared to his fellow sheriffs he was the most popular.

Isabel dropped by Godric's office one night as she was about to head out with Hugo for a few hours and was surprised to see him scowling at his laptop again. Then she noticed his shirt.

It stated in a bold white font: Facebook Celebrity with Fangs. Poke at your own risk.

"If you stop poking them back, it loses its fun. They will eventually stop. You don't have to return the poke, Godric."

That seemed to soften the displeasure on his face a bit before she left.

A few days after Isabel helped Godric update his BlackBerry with the mobile Facebook app, she found him sitting out on the back patio dressed in a t-shirt with the phrase, "Where is my 'dislike' button?" on it.

"What happened?" she asked as she pulled up a chair nearby him.

He emitted a low growl and sharply answered. "I should thank you for the lovely profile picture and my phone now having this social networking disaster on it." His tone was utterly dripping with sarcasm. "I updated my status to 'out shopping for clothes' while at Nordstrom's last night and have since had over seven hundred comments regarding lacking any need to cover my body, many rather vulgar or explicit in their reasoning."

Isabel stared off into the sky. "Did you want to make friends, at least as many, if not more than the other sheriffs?"

"Yes."

"And do you have that many?"

Godric bit back an annoyed growl. "More than twice as many as any other sheriff in Texas. I have more than the king himself," he admitted.

She laughed. "Then I did the job you wanted me to do, and you should be happy."

The sheriff stood up quickly and stalked off toward the house.

"Where are you going, Godric?" she called after him.

"To block you on Facebook."

**A/N: Please review! I love your comments!**

**This is slightly inspired by the song "Internet Friends" by Knife Party. LMAO!  
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**I have a goal of 20 posts in this series before I consider it "complete", though if I continue to have ideas beyond that, I will keep posting past 20 as long as readers are having fun reading them still.**


	7. The Karma Short List

**I apologize for the LONG wait for another one-shot in this series. I've been very busy with my story "The Blood That Binds" and on writing an original screenplay too. **

**I also was waiting for inspiration for something new in this series. That came while thinking of the possibilities for the personality of the King of Texas in my story (he wasn't included at all in True Blood, so he's fair game for me) and what view Nan COULD have taken to Godric prior to the whole FotS mess in S2, pre-series when he was maybe more willing to 'play along' after the Great Reveal… And I hope you like what fun I had with THAT. **

**To be really nice, I made this longer than previous stories. PLEASE read and review!**

*The Karma Short List*

If you asked Godric, he would tell you that the King of Texas believed his sole reason for ruling the state was to find ways to torture his sheriffs with social functions, particularly since the Great Reveal. This interest in swanky charity galas was only made worse by the media attention thrown the king's way by Nan Flanagan and the AVL.

The ancient vampire was convinced there would eventually be an assassination attempt by religious extremists with all these continued public appearances. "Coming out of the coffin" perfectly suited the vampire barely one-fifth Godric's age and his thorough enjoyment of being an attention whore. It was for this reason that the Sheriff of Area Nine believed his king had been placed in the position shortly before the Great Reveal.

As Godric donned his Armani tuxedo for yet another event on this particular Friday night, Isabel knocked on his bedroom door. "Enter."

She stepped in, already dressed in her floor length red satin gown, looking every bit the sexy vampiress she was. "Are you almost ready to go? Stan is getting impatient. He wants to get this night over with and get back out of that monkey suit. It looks ridiculous on him." She came up behind her sheriff as he finished straightening his bowtie. "You however, look absolutely stunningly handsome."

Smirking, he turned to her. "Nice try. I'm still not friending you on Facebook again." Always the perfectionist, he picked the lint roller off his dresser and proceeded to go over his black suit. "Do you think anyone will notice the irony in a vampire charity ball for human blood cancer research?" he asked offhandedly while checking himself in the mirror.

Soon the three were at the Hilton Anatole and making their way through the security checkpoint into the Coronado Ballroom. All vampires in the Dallas area were looking forward to the completion of the new vampire owned Hotel Carmilla, but the Hilton was doing an excellent job of serving their needs in the interim.

"Uh oh," Stan murmured, leaning down toward Godric's ear. "Bitch and her cronies at your ten o'clock, coming in fast."

Godric barely had time to look up and acknowledge her before Nan Flanagan was in his face, or rather, looking down at him from her insanely high stiletto heels accessorizing her pitch black evening gown.

"Nan," he offered by way of a mild greeting, barely withholding a grimace.

Ever haughty, she gave her hair a flounce. "What, not even a nod or slight bow of the head? I do believe I'm a superior of yours. You should acknowledge that, shouldn't you? And it's Ms. Flanagan. Show some respect."

She was always looking for some way to make herself feel higher up the food chain than she was, being far younger than many vampires she attempted to 'boss' around.

"I believe not, Nan. You're a media puppet. I'm a sheriff." The blonde's eyes appeared as if they were about to explode out of their sockets due to the pressure building up in her head as she nearly boiled over, but Godric didn't stop. She was possibly his least favorite person _ever_. "I'm also over two thousand years old, one of the most ancient vampires in the New World, so I will call you whatever I please, _Nan_."

Refusing to back down, she set a hand on her hip with an air of defiance. "If you're so damn powerful and special then why aren't _you_ king?"

Godric was already sick of this stupid ball, and he hadn't been at it for ten minutes. "Silly girl, The Authority has offered me sovereignty over many of the states, and I have refused them all. I do not want the trouble. The King of Texas is the King of Texas because _I do not want to be_."

Finally noticing that a few others had taken an interest in what looked to potentially be a stand-off between the AVL's PR queen and the well-known and respected sheriff, she relaxed her posture and he casually leaned to rest his hand on the back of a chair beside him as if their conversation were merely friendly.

"Did you get my email?" He gave her an odd look, and she remembered she had sent him at least a dozen in the past couple of days alone. "The one about the interview with the college newspaper."

He tensed his jaw for a moment before speaking calmly. "Yes. I suppose there is no harm in accepting the request."

"Good. They seemed exceptionally interested in interviewing you, and it would be great PR. You have the right youthful look and are popular with the college crowd." She smirked. "I saw your Facebook profile."

Several humans and vampires in the vicinity heard the cracking of the seat back where Godric's hand rested not-so-lightly at those words.

The remainder of the night went on without incident, mostly because Stan and Isabel played interference between Godric and Nan. They also helped to steer the king clear of Godric since their sheriff was in no mood for the much younger vampire's overly exuberant personality.

Not soon enough for any of them, they were back at the nest with half the night to kill so-to-speak. All three split off to their rooms to change then meet back in the TV room to relax after the stress of pretending to like a roomful of people they either didn't care for or didn't actually know.

Godric entered the room to take his usual spot at the end of the couch beside Isabel, and his two nestmates tried not to smirk or ask questions about his latest shirt. "Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed," it stated clearly. Neither had any idea where it came from, but both could guess that it was directed toward Nan Flanagan and a few others they'd dealt with through the charity event.

"I don't think I've ever been so glad to write a check in my life," Godric said with a weary sigh. "As soon as he said we could leave after making a _sizeable_ donation, I didn't care how many zeroes I added at the end of it, so long as it was my ticket out of that hotel."

Isabel started to inquire just how much that sizeable donation was, but the look on her nestmate's face told her that wasn't a wise idea. Instead, she turned her attention back to the latest episode of Dr. Phil.

"Tomorrow night, expect a visitor from the university, one of the journalists from the school newspaper. I've agreed to do an interview."

Godric said nothing more on the subject, and no questions were asked. They all knew the request came through the AVL and trickled down via Nan to the sheriff. Neither Stan nor Isabel wanted to get within 100 miles of the topic of _her_ again for the night.

The following night at exactly nine, their doorbell rang. Both Stan and Isabel had made themselves scarce by heading out to a movie, not wanting to be dragged into an interview themselves, so it was left to Godric to answer the door and deal with the young journalist.

To his surprise, he was met with a curvaceous blonde coed who looked oddly familiar. "Good evening," he greeted, gesturing her inside the nest. "I am Godric. Welcome to my home."

She giggled softly as she stepped inside. "I know who you are, most of the vamp fans at school do. I'm one of your Facebook friends. Don't you recognize me?"

"I apologize, but even with the excellent vampire memory I possess, it is impossible to keep track of every one of my so-called 'friends' on that site." The list had grown to well over fifty thousand at this point in time and continued to swell every day. "Forgive me if I must ask your name."

The girl seemed genuinely disappointed for a moment, but quickly recovered with a bright, and rather flirtatious smile. "That's okay. It's Amber, Amber Kryten."

"Well, Miss Kryten, shall we have a seat and begin?"

She blushed as he led her to the couch and they sat down. As Amber took her notepad and pen out of her purse, she gave a funny glance over the couch, and Godric felt some embarrassment rush over him. They were sitting on the same couch where Isabel had him pose for his profile picture. This girl obviously recognized it.

Most of her questions were rather mundane, what he'd expect of an interview in light of the changes in the world. How did you feel about revealing that you're a vampire to the public? How old were you when you were turned? Is it difficult to integrate into society at your age with all the modern technology? What is it like having lived so long and seen so many changes in the world? Have you met any significant historical figures? And a few other of the humdrum questions he'd been asked countless times.

After those questions, she pulled out a digital video camera and asked if she could do a video interview for their student run campus website too. He agreed, not sure what else to do in the situation. Then things got a little more interesting in the interview.

"We know you speak a lot of languages, Godric. Do you speak the language of love?" she asked from behind the camera.

He sat stunned for a moment then tried to think of the best PR answer to the question. Feeding and sex had been the vampire way forever, now they were trying to 'mainstream', but humans enjoyed the sexy image of vampires it seemed. Oh, the countless ways in which he wished to torture Nan Flanagan for getting him into this mess.

"I am as old, possibly older than the Kama Sutra," he answered with a wink.

It was almost impossible not to smirk at the sound of her heartbeat speeding up and the slight increase in her respirations at the insinuation of his simple answer.

"Are you romantically involved with anyone right now? Do you date humans?"

Godric hadn't ever 'dated' anyone and had no particular interest in romancing anyone. He doubted there could be any human who could hold his pique his interest at his age, but that answer would not please anyone.

With a sexy smirk into the camera, he showed a little fang. "I am completely unattached. Do you know someone I might like?"

Amber visibly shuddered, and he could smell the faint hint of her arousal. He hoped Nan Flanagan was damn well happy because he was not.

"Just one more question for the camera, Godric. We all really appreciate how great you've been with this interview." She swallowed nervously. "We've all seen the tattoos on your Facebook profile picture. Do you have any others you could show us?"

If Godric could blush, he would have turned beet red. That was not a question he expected by any means, but he held it together and proceeded as if completely unaffected.

He stood up and tugged at his shirt, untucking it from his jeans. "You might like the one down my back." With a mischievous smile he knew Amber, and likely the entire lot of University of Texas coeds would find sexy, he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, turned, and dropped it to the floor, revealing the well-defined muscles of his back, and the intricate sea serpent following the length of his spine.

His interviewer managed to choke out a few comments and an almost breathless ending to the video segment as he turned back around to face the camera and give a friendly wave, complete with full fanged smile which he thought was about to make her faint.

She gathered up her things and prepared to leave, Godric still shirtless had her flustered and embarrassed. He wasn't pleased with the situation, but nudity wasn't something that bothered vampires or other supernatural creatures, so he was fine with using it as a tool to get her out of his nest. Amber was definitely attracted to him, but didn't seem to know what to do now that she was faced with him half-naked right in front of her.

He found it rather amusing, right until the point that she was about to walk out the door and made the fumbling final comment. "It was really great to meet you, but you're a lot shorter than I expected."

Godric almost growled. "I may not be tall, but don't forget that a vampire becomes more powerful with age, and I am over two thousand years old. Consider what that means. Good night." With that, he shut the door in her face.

The sheriff was in his room when his nestmates returned that night, so they never heard about the interview from him. Isabel took the call when Nan called to praise him for the job well done, excited that the video had been posted on YouTube and gone viral. He was a hit sensation on the college scene, and she could barely keep up with requests for interviews with him.

His lieutenant was afraid to give him the message that MTV wanted to schedule him for a live audience interview at his earliest convenience.

Nan Flanagan wanted to use him as the vampire poster boy for gaining popularity among teens and twenty-somethings, youthful yet ancient, the picture of innocence yet dangerously sexy. The King of Texas was thrilled with his sheriff's likeability and considered it a point in _his _favor.

Godric however, had spent the past week after the interview in a foul mood, worrying his nestmates because of his insistence on wearing one single t-shirt emblazoned with a statement they couldn't figure out the reasoning behind for all their undead lives.

"I'M NOT SHORT. I'M CONCENTRATED."

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**For something on the more serious side with Godric, check out my story "The Blood That Binds" or my sister js1280's story "True Colors".**


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